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Prepare Your Kids For The Zombie Apocalypse

There are 2 ways to think about a zombie apocalypse. Some people want to be the first to go. Why bother surviving when survival is a hopeless prospect? Why fight to live in a world populated by soulless, brain-feasting monsters?

What about the indomitable spirit we as humans possess? That’s the spirit behind the 2nd way of thinking about a zombie apocalypse which is to survive, dang it, at all costs. To survive, nay thrive, as we rebuild from the ashes and fight to maintain some semblance of our culture and dignity.

So, with regard to preparing your kids for a zombie apocalypse: It probably won’t happen, but in case it does, here’s a great blog from Babble with a few things to work on with your kids [before it’s too late].

1. Scouting
Pick up a manual if you can and study it with your kids. In it you will find all manner of survival skills that your kids are going to need in their flight from zombies. Fire starting, knot tying, shelter building–this is the stuff of scouting and the BSA would do well to re-brand themselves with zombies in mind.
2. Leadership Skills
Whenever there is a zombie apocalypse a clear leader always emerges. Sometimes more than one, but one will be a renegade with poor judgment and will die. People need a leader. You need to teach your kids to be strong and articulate. They should understand how to make a plan and delegate its parts, giving the most difficult parts of the plan to the most expendable characters. Now, if your kid just is not going to hack it as a leader there is still hope. Teach them meek acceptance and instill in them a willingness to follow the strongest personality and things will probably turn out OK for them.
3. Ham Radio
Sure they can text, pin, and Instagram. But those skills are not going to help them contact other survivors who might be holed up somewhere with silos of food to share. HAM radio will. It’s not clear why, but all communications are down during a zombie apocalypse. You can’t just call the CDC or the National Guard. You have to use a radio and you probably have to use Morse code.
4. Picky Eaters Might Not Survive
This one is important: Your adorable little fuss bucket who only eats Dino Nuggets will die if he can’t eat squirrel and choke down raw goat’s milk. As a parent, you simply must not tolerate the picky eater. No exceptions.

 

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